Movie Review

What is this supposed to be? Art House? Campy, satire?

All I know is that I’m never going to get those very long 2 hours of my life back.

Neon Demon (Release Date: June 2016)

When aspiring model Jesse moves to Los Angeles, her youth and vitality are devoured by a group of beauty-obsessed women who will take any means necessary to get what she has.

Starring:  Elle Fanning, Christina Hendricks, Keanu Reeves, and Jena Malone

Director/ Writer/ Story: Nicolas Winding Refn

Rating/ Runtime: 1hr 58

My Thoughts…

Wtf was the deal with the triangles???

I’m a little, okay a lot late to this party because frankly, I had no desire to see it. I know, bad movie critic! But, since I was at home, bored on a Friday night, I figured I’d watch it while it was still available on TMN.

Oh God! I thought I was bored but clearly I have to redefine my parameters of what boredom truly is, because this flick is about as exciting as watching a pot boil.

I suppose, this “film” was to be a scathing commentary on the fashion industry and the vapidness of Hollywood. Really it’s just the tired story of “young, small-town girl running away to become a star” that’s been done a thousand different ways.

In this case it is Elle Fanning, who has made a name for herself playing sweet, doe-eyed beauties, deciding she has nothing else to offer but her pretty face, so runs away to California to try and make money with it.

She has this unnameable quality that makes everyone in the industry, want to be her or be with her, causing her to make enemies of two former “It Girls” and a shady makeup artist. Eventually (9000 years later), “Jesse” starts to believe her own hype and her comeuppance is fierce.

Which brings us to the only redeeming part of this bloated, pretentious, BORING movie, the last twenty minutes. And I guess, the part that classifies Neon Demon as horror. Yep, it finally gets interesting (if you find necrophilia and cannibalism interesting) at the very end, when these sell-by-date models (20 years old) snap. And like the witches of lore, decide to devour Jesse’s youth and beauty in order to capture this magical quality for themselves. I know I don’t normally reveal so much but trust me, I’m saving you.

Sure, there are other characters and weird, unnecessary plot points I can talk about, but I really don’t want to waste anymore time on it.

Honestly, if the “Artiste” responsible for releasing Neon Demon onto the world chose camp over art, it might have worked. Maybe. A little. Yeah, it would still probably have been awful.

Rating… E (Would have been an F but the last few minutes jolted me from my coma)

IMDb